Cactuar
by Eternal Tiet
Summary: A different perspective on a character that often goes unnoticed; a new look at a 'jumbo' boss and a Guardian Force. "They serve, but never live. They are now bound, but are never free."


**Disclaimer:** All the characters of Final Fantasy belong to Squaresoft, not me. _Repost from 2001._

xxxx  
>Cactuar<br>xxxx

The arid heat is overwhelming, even for my kind. Again, I find myself at a crossroad in life, or rather 'existence,' as my life ended long ago. The desert sand grows heavy under my legs, each step feeling as if it should be my last. My mouth is dry, and my body screams in anguish. The needles in my body sink deeper with every step, but pain lets me feel _something_. I wish to do nothing more than fall onto the sand, letting my corpse decompose into nothingness, but that is not me.

That is not what they expect – faster than sight, a mere ghost to the naked eye. _That_ is the colossal creature they expect. _That_ is the abomination they wish to fight. _That_ is the power they seek.

To long has it been since my existence has had significance, had meaning. I look to the horizon as hues of crimson and ginger eloquently dance along the sands. Closing my eyes for just a moment, I swallow hard, knowing the undertaking I must face, yet again.

The eternal battle. The perpetual fight. Good versus evil. I know not what side I'll be on _this _time.

I am immortal, a fate not wished upon anyone and I have fought for all reasons, both noble and self-serving. The choice is to be my new master's will – not mine. I have watched great civilizations rise and fall. I have been alive from almost the beginning of time. I feel little emotion anymore; centuries of hatred and despair have eroded the very soul I once possessed. I am now but a servant of man, humans are both powerful and weak. They are the paradox of existence among life on this planet. I have aided great warriors and gods of legend, fought alongside the likes of both Odin and Gilgamesh. I have been there in their times of need; that is the life of a Guardian Force - to be joined to the minds of others without having a will of our own.

We serve, but never live. We are now bound, but never free.

I was not always bitter. I had known happiness. Like everything else, it was stolen from me. I had a family, only to watch their mortality fade with time. I protect this island off the shores of the Kashkabald Desert as it is sacred; it is holy to me. This is where my family has fallen, and where they rest their souls. I cradled my wife as she clung to life, only to watch her slip away with the passing of time. I could not help them; Hyne had not granted them these powers of immortality, _this curse_. Not a day, not a moment, goes by when they are not in my heart and in my thoughts. I continue to be strong for nothing more than their honor.

Honor is the only thing that binds all Guardian Forces. It is the burden placed upon all of us.

Therefore, I chose the only fate I know, sub-servitude of man. In a so-called fairy-tail life, I cannot determine my own path. I was granted the privilege, the title of Guardian Force. Now, my only wish is to die but, that can never be. So I continue onward, in search of what, I do not know. Maybe the same entity that granted me this _supposed_ honor shall find it someday in their heart to lift this curse… So I too may also lie down, turning to dust and fading from memories.

I have not the power of Eden, or the strength of Ifrit. I am a simple being, not complex on any accounts. Now I hear of another group of warriors who once again seek my attributes. It will not be long before they arrive, it never is. I, like in all centuries past, will grant them my powers no matter what side they fight for. The battle between us, just a formality. For a few minutes, I can let myself believe in the fallacy - that I can control my own destiny.

In the end, I will junction to them, and again the legends will continue to be spread for centuries. My name will not be with them, it never is. I am not among the greats, yet all still seek my abilities, my attributes. I make them stronger, if only in their minds. It is easy to fool a human; they want to believe so readily. They are gullible and trusting, ironically that is also their strength.

As I cross another dune, I look toward the south. Is it another mirage, or have they finally come? I see a great ship with dragon-like talons over the bluff. It is time. Once again, as fate looks down laughing at me, I will join in the eternal dance, the never-ending battle. I shall bring honor to my family; I shall honor the name of Guardian Force.

xxxx

**April 8, 2011**_: I thought I'd lost this forever, but managed to find a copy on a mirror site of GIA. It was one of the very first things I wrote back in 2001, but I was horribly embarrassed and pulled it from ffnet (it was part of "Honor Among Us" series.) Two computers later, I had lost this story until now. I made a few changes from the original, but I felt as if it should be archived alongside my other work._


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